Indiana Jones 5 title speculation

With the nearing release of Spielberg's adaptation of Ready Player One, I wanted to take the opportunity to try and predict the plot and title of the announced sequel to Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Here goes...

Credit

It's going to be about the afterlife. Hell, they've already covered aliens... How do you top extraterrestrials? I can guarantee mortality will be the motif.

Now for setting, I suspect something Egyptian. The Lost Ark was in Egypt, but the Ancient Egyptian culture is ripe for Indy. Perhaps the founding of Israel? It could be about Jewish/Christian mythology, too, but that's already been played in two of the movies. Maybe undead things?!? I'm going to maybe surmise there will be a sacrifice or even a zombification of the hero. Maybe that's a reach...

I definitely know things that it won't do: dinosaurs, killer sharks, friendly aliens, the Holocaust (see a theme here?)

My educated guesses:

• Indiana Jones and the Afterlife
• Indiana Jones and the Cult of Osiris
• Indiana Jones and the Land of the Dead
• Indiana Jones and the Torment of the Undead
• Indiana Jones and the Spectre of the Tomb
• Indiana Jones and the Tomb of the Messiah
• Indiana Jones and the Mortal Coil
• Indiana Jones and the Deathly Hallows
• Indiana Jones Meets the Grim Reaper!

Richard Matheson R.I.P.

I learned that Richard Matheson passed away. He wrote one of my favorite books, and spawned a lot of good movies (and good writers). If you've read I Am Legend and liked the scientific slant of the story, I would recommend Hell House. It's about ghosts instead of zombie-vampires...

A few weeks before his death, I started writing an "odd couple" story that was vaguely about the undead. I named the protagonist after Matheson. Here is the partial intro of the story.

---

“You were seduced by a vampire.”
Drapes flew open. The girl on the couch squinted in their direction. A jacket was picked up from off the living room floor.

This happened from time to time. Matheson’s roommate would come in a little late, and have to get to bed immediately. The “victim” was left on the couch for another day’s late night snack. But this was no ordinary day.

Matheson was a good roommate. The complete opposite of a night stalker in temperament. He was ambivalent about girls. He usually made coffee or tea for the lucky survivor. And, Matheson told them the truth. They usually just wanted to discover where they were and how they got there. 

"Yep, a vampire."
He usually told the simplest of truths.

The girl sat up, her hair a little frazzled (but not too bad). She was dark toned and dark-haired. She wore a short skirt and a necklace of big obsidian beads. The necklace complimented her blouse (which was black, too).

***

Mycroft was tucked deep under covers, under pillows, in the darkness. Matheson rarely went into his roommate's crypt. He always slept like the Dead.

---

I was thinking about calling it Coffinmates.

Magical realism and the Blues Brothers film

Ok. *deep breath*. Here goes.

I was watching The Blue Brothers on VH1 Classic the other night, strictly for the ending. If you have not seen this 1980 classic, it has one of the best climaxes of all time. It just keeps escalating and escalating. It's police car pornography.

Is the Bluesmobile magical?

Anyway, I watch the whole film, anticipating the build-up, then I come to the car chase into the City. And, the Illinois Nazis join in. And the Blues Brothers are having engine trouble whilst dodging bullets. Jake & Elwood drive to an unfinished bridge, and slam on the brakes to avoid a certain plummet. Then, something miraculous happens. Something I have seen one hundred times and simply accepted. The Bluesmobile thwarts the Nazi pursuit by an end-over-end slingshot, and landing safely in the opposite direction of danger. It defies logic, and I say (out loud), "magical realism!"

My mind immediately stirs about the idea. A film, an American film, that threw in a magical element just for kicks. Yes, it could have been script writer's laziness (there are a lot of unexplainable parts in that film), but, I kept going over it in my head: magical realism. A term associated with Latin American writing in the 50s, no less. And, I run the entire film--scene by scene--in my head to discover that this could totally be a Hispanic story.

Imagine Jake & Elwood Blues being Latino. Jake is getting out of prison, for one. As the film unravels, a rich layered story unfolds (just like magical realism fiction). They go to their Catholic orphanage and are asked to save the church. A bit Spanish, no? They go to a revival, and Jake sees the light (salvado). Magic in the grit of blue-collar Chicago.

I've mulled over how to define magical realism, compared to fantasy, sci-fi and even just realism. The best way to put it, in terms of film is: Realism is 100% reality; Magical realism is 98% reality and 2% magic. "Fantasy" can be anywhere from 50% reality to 1% reality (the remainder magical). Most importantly, the magic has to be accepted.

Almost magical realism.

The more that I think about it, the more I see magical realism in film. Especially in the pre-CGI days of the 70s and 80s. For one, Jaws is almost magical realism. Everything is steeped in reality in that film except for one thing: an vengeful, oversized shark.The problem with almost is that they don't quite accept the shark's "magicality" until later in the film. If Chief Brody and Hooper would have just listened to Quint, this would be pure magic, and not horror.

If the horror is accepted, then it is magical realism? I think I'm on to something here! Maybe The Shining? I don't know... more research needed.

On Obama, Artificial Intelligence, Getting Ahead at Work

Obama's gonna win again. Is there any doubt? If there is, you’ve been watching too much TV. I mean, Barack’s done nothing horrible, nothing immoral. Maybe be a little un-American (can you blame him from distancing himself from the tacky parts of our country?). This President never dons a cowboy hat. And, Tacky America makes us look like cattle.

More blogging

It's rapidly becoming 2012. I've always disliked the end of the year... lots to do before Christmas & New Year. It feels like being busy for no reason. I don't want to care at the end of the year.

I need to write more. More rants, raves and ________.

Random observation (March)

• So, it looks like free government health care has finally come to the U.S. From the perspective of a poor person, this is a truly positive thing. And, to me, any argument against providing a free option is ludicrous. It boils down to the same economic concept of "earning it" vs. charity. Any person holding on to the old system of capitalism is delusional. That antiquated system does not account for the welfare of the losing side. Plus, you've got to ask yourself two things: what is the point of capitalism (advances in technology, etc), and what is the point of society? The answer to both is "bettering the human situation". Free health care is going to help my  situation... physically and (more importantly) mentally. Now, if we would only legalize marijuana, cocaine and LSD (and tax it)....

To Bill Brasky!

Best damn salesman on the market!









He once scissor-kicked Angela Lansbury!

Random observations (January-February)

• Why is Shaq still playing basketball?
• I've been thinking long and hard about this, and I believe that phone numbers are going to be irrelevant in about 10 years. I hate numbers. I want my phone number to be sp@phonenumberssuck.net! I can barely remember my SSN.
• It's the Saints (finally) in the NFL championship. I hope they score at least once on Peyton...
  
• In music, nothing is happening.
• In television, nothing is happening (other than Conan has always rocked and Lost is about to start again!)
  
• The Who are playing the Super Bowl. Maybe they'll sneak in the fuck during the "Who Are You" chorus, and bring some controversy and some mad props. I can just see Townshend scheming it.
• I cannot make this stuff up. (Starring Denzel Washington as a "veteran railroad engineer".)

Random observations (November)

• The Simpsons Halloween #20 was just as satisfying as the first Treehouse of Horror back in 1990.
  
• So they're coming out with a Guitar Hero predecessor, Band Hero... The next incarnation will be called Band Band (my catchy idea). 
  
• Just finished Fargo Rock City, and really enjoyed lots of it, especially the Guns N' Roses lore.
  
• It's official: everyone I have ever met likes Arrested Development. I hope the movie sees the light of day.
  
• They made a remake of the "V" show. I guarantee reports of reptilian race aliens will skyrocket on the Jeff Rense Program. The show will probably tank.
  
• Thumbs down for MTV playing movies that have nothing to do with music (or the Real World).
• Olivia Wilde is Maxim's #1 Hottie of 2009. It's some kind of adult magazine or something... don't know for sure.
• Whoopi Goldberg is so cool. I don't need a link to prove it.
  
• Project 1999 rocks!

Random Observations (October), What I Read, & Updates

• I have been planning for years to wear the Thriller jacket and pants for Halloween. Now, eBay had to go and quadruple the demand and sale price. Now I've got to construct a puppet for a David Liebe Hart costume!
  
• Rotten Tomatoes (see link) is absolutely the worst film/critic website out there. Trust me, it's the nadir of the internet: a place where fanboys constantly patrol for someone to say that the Dark Knight is just an action film.
• Am I the only person who thinks Foo Fighters are overrated?
  
• A Boondock Saints sequel is coming out, with a dumb subtitle (All Saints Day). Whoever thinks the Boondock Saints 1 is a great film is really sheltered.
• LSU needs to change their ugly football helmet logos. It's 2009!
• Do I think this is a good idea? Yes, yes I do:

Music columns I read religiously

• The Big Hurt (formerly Your Band Sucks) & Garbage Day
• Advanced Theory Blog 
• Stereogum & Videogum
• there's more but I'll save for later...
  

Site updates

• I have been working on a new labeling/keyword system to let the old (good) articles still be readily accessible (and not buried). It's a tag cloud now on the upper-right. Check it outz.
• There may be an upcoming split into two blogs to make stuff easier to find.
  
• FeedBurner and Twitter are now linked to here.
• A shop has opened up in the hills of Somewhere, USA.
  
• A special Music Videos 2000-2009 article will be published in the near future!

I somehow willed this idea into existence...

How could I have predicted this? A movie about Legos...

http://videogum.com/archives/bad-idea-jeans/hollywood-goes-full-retard-legos-movie-in-development_083942.html

Remind me to never propose awful ideas in posts again. Don't get me wrong here: I love Legos. I plan to organize my collection when I visit my parents, and it is going to take all day. I guarantee I have more Legos than you and your friends combined. I used to take my Legos outside and walk around my neighborhood with them, like they were action figures. But, I know they are just toys, and there is no way a movie could make me feel like a kid again.

The Advanced Theory of Rock: Who is Advanced?

Advanced Theory is an idea about musicians we like and the choices they make that we hate. It is very hard to explain, much like quantum physics. The following is a (chat log) discussion (between me and old friend Eddie Tomayko) and introduction to the concept. It should be noted that I was drunk, but lucid.

(11:37:50 PM) maximumsp: [Billy] corgan has become... i dont know what
(11:38:03 PM) maximumsp: something to loathe?
(11:38:29 PM) maximumsp: have you heard of Advanced Theory?
(11:38:45 PM) lemon031: i wouldnt say that but he's fallen into that hole a lot of once huge artists do... where they think they can collaborate with whoever and put out gold when in fact it's just shit
(11:38:50 PM) lemon031: no
(11:39:20 PM) maximumsp: Advanced Theory is perplexing... it basically states that any artist who does something terrible is advanced to a higher level
(11:39:34 PM) maximumsp: i dont understand Lou Reed to this day, but he is Advanced.
(11:39:42 PM) maximumsp: so is Val Kilmer, according to the theorists
(11:39:55 PM) maximumsp: i shouldnt have used the word 'any'
(11:40:06 PM) lemon031: lol
(11:40:22 PM) lemon031: so let me think of someone who qualifies
(11:40:25 PM) lemon031: hmm
(11:40:46 PM) lemon031: bruce campbell?
(11:40:53 PM) maximumsp: someone who does something disappointing or uncharacteristic
(11:41:01 PM) maximumsp: i would have to think about Bruce...
(11:41:03 PM) lemon031: i guess he doesnt count
(11:41:11 PM) lemon031: bc it was meant as farce
(11:41:27 PM) lemon031: how about isiah thomas post playing days
(11:41:39 PM) maximumsp: dont know enough about him anymore
(11:42:04 PM) lemon031: just a comically terribad coach/gm of the knicks
(11:42:22 PM) maximumsp: trying to remember what i read
(11:42:54 PM) maximumsp: trying to pick a sports star that fits the theory
(11:43:17 PM) lemon031: manny
(11:43:19 PM) maximumsp: i would say Shaq, but i dunno sports arent my forte
(11:43:24 PM) maximumsp: holy shit youre right
(11:43:25 PM) maximumsp: MAN RAM
(11:43:30 PM) lemon031: lol
(11:43:36 PM) maximumsp: fucking noble
(11:43:37 PM) lemon031: nah shaq doesnt fit
(11:44:17 PM) lemon031: im trying to think of a political example
(11:44:21 PM) maximumsp: Bob Dylan selling out for a Victoria's Secret commerical = ADVANCED
(11:44:33 PM) lemon031: lol def
(11:44:33 PM) maximumsp: http://advancedtheory.blogspot.com

(11:46:06 PM) lemon031: politics has to be sarah barracuda
(11:46:18 PM) maximumsp: hmm maybe
(11:46:24 PM) lemon031: who else can quit their job and be about to get rich as shit
(11:46:39 PM) maximumsp: i think one of the rules is that you have to have an un-ironic mullet at some point... so that discounts her
(11:46:51 PM) lemon031: hahaha
(11:47:21 PM) lemon031: well look at her hairdos back from her early sportscaster days. looks like "the real housewives of 1983 new jersey"
(11:47:40 PM) maximumsp: i gotta write this shit down
(11:47:56 PM) lemon031: haha
(11:48:12 PM) lemon031: newt gingrich
(11:48:14 PM) maximumsp: i wish i had my book here so i could read passages
(11:48:20 PM) maximumsp: i dunno about Newt
(11:48:28 PM) lemon031: no hear me out
(11:48:49 PM) lemon031: heads up the contract with america, hammers clinton for fucking monica lewinsky
(11:48:59 PM) lemon031: ends up he's cheating on like his 3rd wife
(11:49:15 PM) lemon031: ends up near the head of the party today
(11:49:24 PM) lemon031: could say the same about rush limbaugh too
(11:49:54 PM) maximumsp: i dunno what Rush did that was advanced
(11:50:07 PM) maximumsp: painkillers?
(11:50:15 PM) lemon031: railed on drug users for being weak minded forever and then turns out he's a pillhead
(11:50:22 PM) lemon031: now he's bigger (pun intended) than ever
(11:50:55 PM) maximumsp: there's also something called OVERT in the theory, that means something hypocritical is done that isnt advanced
(11:51:08 PM) maximumsp: so Rush is overt, because he is TRYING to be advanced

Random observations (May)

• I just finished reading The Stand (Uncut). Pretty ironic that the swine flu is going around just when I decide to read it. Last Stephen King book I'll ever spend weeks on.
  
• RIP GeoCities. That's where I got my start, you know. /SunsetStrip/Palms/. I won't bore you with the rest.
  
• I'm just starting to use Fraps and take video shots of my games. It's much easier than I thought. So is Windows Movie Maker (which Windows 7 doesn't have at all). Expect some YouTube action soon!
• Sonic Youth's new album is good. Not super good.
• I'm pissed off I found out about Firefox's dirty little secret (GoogleUpdate.exe). I can't get rid of it. And, PS: Mozilla, fix your memory leaks faster!
  
• I'm addicted to Legends of Zork. I guess it's because my EQEmu/Project EQ account won't login with my bandwidth.
• Trent Reznor is engaged to be wed. This blows my mind, like Bob Dylan having a dozen kids. I thought these guys were troubled artists...
• The Simpsons is 20 years old!
• Next music video retrospective is on Green Day. Dig it (soon).
  

Will phone numbers matter in 10 years?

I have an invention idea. It's really more like an innovation, because it is already used in the scientific world. It's an RFID tag for your phone! It's like those PIT tags you can get for dogs to track them. A magnetic swipe is all you need... but that's not what I'm exactly thinking.

I'm thinking about trading numbers with some girl I met at a club. Instead of mashing through "Add to Contacts", I want this consenting adult to "brush" against my phone to get my digits. Cool eh?

Copyright 2010 Steve P.!

Random observations (February)

• With all my heart, I dislike the Grammy Awards the most out of all. It's an awards ceremony that celebrates unoriginality and status-quo music (see the Jethro Tull incident) The thing about them is that no one in the "cool" music media bashes them... why not?
  
• The Oscars are coming, and you should care. No other award is more consistent than this one. I mean, Robert Downey, Jr. is nominated for his Australian-playing-an-African-American role in Tropic Thunder.
• My Oscar prediction for Best Picture this year is Slumdog Millionaire. It is not my favorite. It may not be the best film of the decade or of all time, but I think I know Hollywood, and my last two years' picks were correct. And just so you know, this is a big-budget film that they may portray as a rags-to-riches story. Don't be fooled by the interviews.
  
• You may have heard that Christian Bale went crazy or something. I don't know anything, because I don't care, because I already know Bale is a badass.
• OK, from what I've seen the media is already hating on President Obama. But, you know what? No one is going to care about these nomination scandals and Wall Street cock-blocks in a few years.
• If your current playlist is wearing on you, wait just a little bit for 2009 releases by Placebo, Melissa Auf der Maur, Sonic Youth, (possibly) Blur and ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead.
  
• Steam is getting more and more awesome. I mean, since its inception about 6 years ago it hasn't withered away. I just wish more gaming companies would get on board so I can download Thief 1, King's Quest VI and Aces of the Pacific.
• And for those of you that think MTV cannot become more of an abomination, they're now mentally disabled.
  

Random Observations (November-December)

• ESPN, I hate your website. I know you have the best coverage and everything, but I cannot stand auto-loading videos that play loudly while I'm reading an article. Screw you.
  
• Dear rock bands, PLEASE STOP WRITING SONGS ABOUT SUPERMAN. Yes, he is a great symbol, but so is Batman. There are so many freaking songs with Clark Kent in them, and that means your new song idea is immediately irrelevant.
• The same goes for new mascots. Please, lets retire Tiger. Maybe, perhaps we could use something more local? Panther is more local, so are bears and pronghorn sheep, which scare me. If you're going for scary, why not Tiger Shark?
• Every time Architecture in Helsinki is/are mentioned, it sends me into a blind rage. Maybe it's because they're not from Helsinki. Maybe it's because it would embarrass the hell out of me if I were Australian. Maybe it's because they have five band members (four would be overkill). Maybe it's because they make the kind of music that Paul Simon would be into.
• Carrie Fisher's autobiography (Wishful Drinking) is remarkably well-written. I always knew George Lucas was an ass...
• The Spirit and Benjamin Button are coming out in December, and I will probably crown them the best two films of the year. Plus, they're both from stories more than 50 years old. Yes, the world did exist 50 years ago, Hollywood.
• I had my fill of Simon Pegg about 10 seconds after I heard his accent. Anyone else want on the hate bandwagon?
  

Random Observations (October-November)

• Does anyone else hate Wolf Blitzer? Seriously, he is not even a journalist... more a robot. He won't even banter with his coworkers on-air.
  
• I predict that the anticipated James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace is going to suck, but everyone will think it's good until about one week later (much like Indiana Jones 4).
  
• Is anyone else bored with the NFL this year? When the Bills and the Titans are the best teams, and the two most famous quarterbacks are down and out, there isn't much left.
  
• Roland Martin and Rachel Maddow get an A+ for becoming the anti-Bill O'Reillys. Keep it up!
  
• Dear Hollywood: STOP MAKING VAMPIRE MOVIES AND TELEVISION SHOWS. It is beaten to death (and undeath). Sincerely, Original Film Ideas.
• It should be mandatory for every American citizen to watch at least 3 hours of the People's Court. I promise you will learn something about common law and how to get things in writing.
  
• Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy is going to be murdered by the critics when it finally appears. Personally, I miss the non-indie music and the big rock acts of old. Remember Nirvana and David Bowie? They're still awesome.
• I think we need another Great Depression for good measure. Wall Street did not get the message when the stocks plummeted, because they still have central heating and air in their penthouses.
• Penn State better go to the championship game, or else.
  

Random Lists Mark II

Creepiest Animals that start with C
1. Centipedes
2. Crabs
3. Cats

Most Overrated "Guy Movies"
1. Scarface
2. Boondock Saints
3. The Matrix

Most Underrated Smashing Pumpkins Songs
1. Apathy's Last Kiss
2. Rocket
3. The End is the Beginning is the End

Coolest Ali G Terms
1. Fatty Boombah
2. Batty Boy
3. Bell End

Best Pro Wrestler Characters (Post 80's)
1. Undertaker
2. Bret Hart
3. Sting

Most Hilarious Scientific Names
1. Carmenelectra shechisme
2. Gunterichthys longipenis
3. Cyclocephala nodanotherwon [not another one]

Best Decades of the 20th Century
1. 60's
2. 20's
3. 70's

Worst White Ninjas
1. Michael Dudikoff
2. Steven Seagal
3. Chuck Norris

Coolest Unconventional Cuss words
1. Clusterfuck
2. Fuckface
3. Fucking A

Random Lists

Best Pies
1. Cherry
2. Apple
3. Cherry Cheesecake

Greatest Groups of Animals
1. Sharks
2. Fireflies
3. Dinosaurs

Worst Songs by Pearl Jam
1. Evacuation
2. Man of the Hour
3. Off He Goes

Most Tearjerking Movies
1. Forrest Gump
2. Dances with Wolves
3. The Land Before Time

Most Overrated Bands
1. Kiss
2. U2
3. Black Sabbath

Best Breakfast Restaraunts with Apostrophies
1. Denny's
2. Hardee's
3. Shoney's

Sexiest Judges
1. Judy Sheindlin
2. John Roberts
3. Marilyn Milian

Worst Letters
1. X
2. C or K (tie)
3. W

Take a short break to let that all sink in...




Best Pretzel Companies
1. Snyder's of Hanover
2. Hammond's
3. Rold Gold

Worst Movie Sequels
1. Rocky V
2. The Land Before Time VII: The Stone of Cold Fire
3. Batman & Robin

Most Bastardized Video Game Franchises
1. Mario Brothers
2. Megaman
3. Legend of Zelda

Greatest Discontinued Soft Drinks
1. Josta
2. OK Soda
3. Crystal Pepsi

Most Underrated Recurring SNL Sketches
1. Food, Sex or Cars?
2. The Denise Show
3. Bill Brasky

Greatest Synchronized Guitar Solos
1. Hitch a Ride (Boston)
2. I Believe in a Thing Called Love (The Darkness)
3. Seventeen (Winger)

Greatest Knights
1. Suge Knight
2. Bobby Knight
3. Sir Anthony Hopkins

Worst Knights
1. Sir Tom Jones
2. Sir Paul McCartney
3. Sir Mick Jagger

Most Important Things*
1. Jesus
2. Gary Coleman
3. The Frogs (thefrogsarchive.com)