A Total Recall and Ninja Turtles remake?

Nostalgia sells, and is easier than originality. Take a look at ironic neon sunglasses, classic rock radio, Mad Men and Titanic 3D. And it's that time, the time for nineties nostalgia! And, I remember those crazy 90s very well. I had a conversation with someone else who grew up in the same time, and we were remembering our favorite films. All of my fond movie memories start with E.T. re-release in 1985 and onward. I became a movie fiend, and it grew as I grew.

You just had to be there...

In 1990, there was no way I was going to be allowed see Total Recall. I had to wait quite a few years to see it, and see it uncut. Today, the film kindles remembrance of the era of ultraviolence. The early 90s were full of action flicks, thanks to superstars like Stallone, Willis, and Arnold. Movie rental stores were in their heyday, and so was action. That era ended in about 1997, when (for some reason) violence went more underground. My hypothesis is that CGI took over the need for bloodlust. Now, the movie executives want to relive that past (in a more computer-generated, artificial way).

Colin Farrell (who was already in a movie adaptation of a PKD story) stars in a second film adaptation of "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale". I'm not sure why a B actor was chosen, or why this film was selected out of all the action tour-de-forces. Maybe it was the director's lifelong dream to do the story right. Maybe it was the success of Inception that put the "dream vs. reality" hook back on the table. I'm sure someone knows. Anyway, like to see any futuristic film, because I'm a geek boy who likes seeing cool flying cars and laser guns. Question: will kids today have nostalgia for a nostalgic reboot?

I consider Total Recall the most violent big-budget action flick ever. It is still wildly entertaining, twenty years later. That violence is almost matched by the Last Boy Scout (which narrowly loses, even though it has suicide and helicopter blade dicing). Are they going to remake that one, too?

Speaking of the 90s, I was a Ninja Turtle fiend, too. I can remember exactly where I was when I saw the TV trailer for the original TMNT film. I watched that damn cartoon every day, and seeing it in live-action was like discovering a new planet. My head exploded. And, it met all of my (high) expectations as a 10-year-old.

And now... now... Michael Bay wants to bring the shelled warriors to the 2010s... not as mutant turtles from a sewer, but as space aliens. Fans are confused and frustrated, calling his treatment "unnecessary", "childhood ruining" and even "sodomy". I tend to agree.

The curse of the trilogy

I was watching a video review of a game (Mass Effect 3), and had a realization about the "Curse of Three". The concept is all around me, but I never came to fully understand it until now. The first sequel is awesome; the second sequel sucks.

This is a rule (with exceptions), but I am going to focus it on movies, especially action movies... like The Dark Knight Rises. This threequel has no chance of being great.

1. Weird title. Yes, the second film was open-ended, but what film isn't these days. This is basically watering down a classic comic book. How about The Caped Crusader, or Batman Ends (get it)? It's a lack of imagination, and it reminds me of the Star Wars trilogy.

A U.S. Army recruitment video.

2. History repeating itself. Remember Batman Forever? It had Jim Carrey as the Riddler (which was awesome), but pretty everything else was horrible about this movie. They knew the franchise stakes were high;' they went completely crazy on this film. I'm talking about all the fluorescent colors and A-list actors. Yes, it was entertaining, but in a Val Kilmer kind of way.

3. Fanboy influence. Eventually, a franchise can't hold back the cultural influence of fans. They raid the temple; permeate the writing process. Expectations become out of control. Eventually, they want to throw in a flying batmobile.

4. The tagline: "The Legend Ends". Huh? How does this work? I thought, "Heroes get remembered, but legends never die". How am I going to tell my children about this one?

5. Terminator 3, Spider-man 3, Star Trek III, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Alien 3, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, The Matrix Revolutions, Back to the Future Part III, Goldmember, and Ghostbusters 3 (sad). Count Men in Black III, too.


The Christopher Nolan Bat-trilogy is supposed to be more intellectual, more dark... but I think at the end of the day it will be the Tim Burton era that gets those nods. Is Nolan the ultimate "Batman done right"? We forget that Batman is a comic character, and his film persona will always be compared to that.

This is the part where I bash Transformers

[Taking a break from music videos for a short, short time.]

I just rented Transformers, and feel I implored to comment on it before the sequel comes out. For a start, I am repulsed by this film. I mean, I liked Transformers when I was a kid. I liked them because they were brilliantly designed by some Japanese engineer who probably barely made minimum wage. I mean making solid pieces of plastic turn from one shape into something like a handgun just blows my mind. I can't do something like that. That takes brains. Michael Bay does not have brains. This film franchise is a half-baked idea. It's like making a live-action Lego movie. Or worse, a live-action G.I. Joe movie (zing!)

Shia LeBouf. I bet you can't pronounce the name. I don't know who likes this guy other than Steve Spielberg. My friends all think he is a prick. He played a part in ruining Indiana Jones 4, and for that he must be banished from Hollywood credibility. Does anyone else cringe when you see these guys staking all of their credibility on this kid?

OK men: Megan Fox = wildly overrated. Yes, she may be a "bad girl" with tattoos and have made pro-lesbian comments, but get real. It's a joke. Look at her. She's not that elegant. The ability to wear a metric ton of makeup on your face does not make you gorgeous. Yes, her brunette hair and complexion are marvelous, but bodies like that are not that uncommon. If you don't see someone on the street with a figure like that at least once a week, you need to move out of the sticks.

And what about the supporting actors. A fat black guy hacker? Give me a break, Mike Bay! A blond with an Australian accent that would even make Aussies wonder where she was from? Grr. And can Jon Voight only play politicians now? I swear he plays the President (or close to it) in like 8 recent films. You could remove any of these characters and still have the same exact plot.

Let's talk about the CGI. The visual team went out of their way to give Optimus Prime (and the other bots) a working mouth and lips. To me, this is totally wrong and unnecessary. I thought the ninja mask/shield thing was cool when I was a kid, and I still do now. I do not need to see a robot's lips move to know he's a character in the movie.

I'll stop there. Now 1987's Masters of the Universe... THAT was a REAL cartoon-to-live-action movie. Feel the Dolph Lundgren love!!!! Screw the G.I. Joe film, too. I pre-ordain it to be godawful.

Random observations (February)

• With all my heart, I dislike the Grammy Awards the most out of all. It's an awards ceremony that celebrates unoriginality and status-quo music (see the Jethro Tull incident) The thing about them is that no one in the "cool" music media bashes them... why not?
  
• The Oscars are coming, and you should care. No other award is more consistent than this one. I mean, Robert Downey, Jr. is nominated for his Australian-playing-an-African-American role in Tropic Thunder.
• My Oscar prediction for Best Picture this year is Slumdog Millionaire. It is not my favorite. It may not be the best film of the decade or of all time, but I think I know Hollywood, and my last two years' picks were correct. And just so you know, this is a big-budget film that they may portray as a rags-to-riches story. Don't be fooled by the interviews.
  
• You may have heard that Christian Bale went crazy or something. I don't know anything, because I don't care, because I already know Bale is a badass.
• OK, from what I've seen the media is already hating on President Obama. But, you know what? No one is going to care about these nomination scandals and Wall Street cock-blocks in a few years.
• If your current playlist is wearing on you, wait just a little bit for 2009 releases by Placebo, Melissa Auf der Maur, Sonic Youth, (possibly) Blur and ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead.
  
• Steam is getting more and more awesome. I mean, since its inception about 6 years ago it hasn't withered away. I just wish more gaming companies would get on board so I can download Thief 1, King's Quest VI and Aces of the Pacific.
• And for those of you that think MTV cannot become more of an abomination, they're now mentally disabled.
  

Best of the Year 2008: Films

Annually StevePrutz.com reviews some pop culture and ranks a best in categories like film, music and television. This year is expanded to include critiques. This.... is.... 2008!

I was very disappointed in the Indiana Jones blockbuster this year, and it really rattled my expectations for film franchises. So, here's to some new film ideas with (hopefully) some sense not to churn out sequels. OK, maybe Iron Man can make a spinoff or two. They have my permission.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
If Superbad was the essential 2000-era comedy about adolescence, this is the one for adulthood. The cast of characters are relative newcomers, but that's what makes watching it great. It's a level playing ground for hilarity, and the guys and girls all have their different takes on the whole "Sarah situation". Unlike the past decade's comedies, Sarah Marshall really commits to the storyline and doesn't just tack it on at the end.

WALL-E
I haven't kept up with all of the new CGI-cartoony children's movies, but this Pixar joint is one for the ages. From the get-go, the tranquility of this film is what sells it. I don't think a word is spoken in the first 30 minutes, and it's just soothing for a kid or an adult who often are punched in the face with cute dialogue. Peter Gabriel also has a song during the ending credits!

Tropic Thunder
I expected this to be funny, and it is exactly met my expectations. RDJ scores another hit in his "sober years streak", and injects some buffoonery to the often-too-dramatic Vietnam War pseudo-era. Ben Stiller is actually funny, too. I wonder if he's apologized about the retard jokes.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
David Fincher has been taking ambitious stabs at portraying a time in history, last time with Zodiac. In this one, he chronicles New Olreans from the Depression to Hurrican Katrina with stunning accuracy, expanding a short-short story into a 3-hour adventure. Ben Button will probably win a score of Oscars--cinematography, art design, makeup. But, there's something un-emotional about this that makes it just a silver medalist.

Iron Man
Yes, I know this is a superhero movie, and Robert Downey is Tony Stark. And I know director Jon Favreau isn't the toast of the town. But seriously it's the gold standard for comic book adaptations, and a slam-dunk for producers with sequel money in their eyesights. Comedy and a surreal attitude are a big deal for comics, and unlike the Dark Knight, this one is neatly packaged for consumption.

1. OTHER BEST OF THE YEAR 2008 SELECTIONS

Best of the Year 2008: Albums

Annually StevePrutz.com reviews some pop culture and ranks a best in categories like film, music and television. This year is expanded to include critiques. This.... is.... 2008!

The notion of an "album" is to make something bigger than just a group of songs--"the whole is bigger than the sum of its parts". And although some may think the album is a dead format, it isn't. It's not going to disappear. I can walk over and touch my albums, because they do exist. Hell, vinyl still exists. There's not much more intimate a thing to do than listen to a weird non-single by a band.

MGMT: Oracular Spectacular
"Time to Pretend" is an anthem for all those people who ignore the politics and the tragedy of being American, and instead look to the horizon with a positive vibe. Just watch their music videos if you're depressed. "Kids" reminds me of children's programming from the 70s, where utopian life once existed.

Guns N' Roses: Chinese Democracy
I had to include this for fear of the wrath of Axl. Who knew that a band without Slash, Duff, Izzy and Matt Sorum had legs...

Nine Inch Nails: The Slip
Although a booming intro and a radio-friendly middle give this release a name, the soul of the album really exists in the latter tracks. "Lights in the Sky" and "The Four of Us Are Dying" break new ground for a 20-year career of big beats mixed with piano tinklings. Every Halo that Reznor puts out is worth its weight in gold. Ghosts I-IV is the only real exception to the rule.

***** 2008 BEST ALBUM *****
TV on the Radio: Dear Science,
It's energetic but at the same time soothing to hear while in a bathtub. Every track could be a single on the college radio, and yet they all seem to blend together. I can't really describe the sound of the album.

1. OTHER BEST OF THE YEAR 2008 SELECTIONS

Best of the Year 2008: TV Shows

Annually StevePrutz.com reviews some pop culture and ranks a best in categories like film, music and television. This year is expanded to include critiques. This.... is.... 2008!

When the writers' strike happened in late 2007, the television world held its breath. It was in the middle of filming some of the biggest scripted shows for the next year, and if it didn't get something on camera soon, the big networks were going to all-reality programming (dear god).

I know it's somewhat stupid to pick a "best" in at the end of the year when show seasons end in May, but there is logic to my purpose. Using the end of the year, I can see the end-of-season cliffhanger and also see the conclusion in the premiere. A very effective way to see if a show rebounds.

Destination Truth (Sci Fi)
Anyone who has seen an episode can understand how hilarious it really is. From getting lost in the middle of a lake (yes, really) to being scared of a creepy statue-dog, this show is like one big gift basket of standup material. Oh, and there is a token blond on the team who is afraid of the dark. Studying cryptozoology was never so fun!

Lost (ABC)
If you're not on the Lost locomotive yet, see the second half of season 1 and buckle up. This show is still top-notch. To recap season 4 (only still 90 days on the island): the rescue ship is actually a Kill-Ben-Linus mission, Michael returns as a spy, Locke is in a casket, Sun becomes evil, Sayid becomes an awesome vigilante, the island disappears and Ben wakes up in a desert and throws up.

Superjail (Cartoon Network)
More than a year after the pilot broadcast, the first season of the ultra-violent (and hilariously drawn) sci-fi jail and its inhabitants finally satisfied the Adult Swim masses. Just remember it's a cartoon, and there is no Jailbot destroying all in his path.

***** 2008 BEST SHOW *****
The Office (NBC)
The year 2008 saw late entries from the second half of the Office. But "Dinner Party" was totally worth the wait. So was Jan's pregnancy, Jim pretending to propose to Pam 80 times, Toby's fence jump and the new HR employee Holly Flax (I already miss her!) Later Pam went to art school in NYC, and I seriously thought the show was going to axe the Jim-Pam romance. I know better now (fans would be outraged).

1. OTHER BEST OF THE YEAR 2008 SELECTIONS

Best of the Year 2008: Songs

Annually StevePrutz.com reviews some pop culture and ranks a best in categories like film, music and television. This year is expanded to include critiques. This.... is.... 2008!
(2007 songs)


Beck: "Orphans"
Danger Mouse's beatnik vibe introduces Modern Guilt with this little tune about meeting your maker, complete with acoustic strums, piano twinkles, xylophone accents and ambient sounds. It's the only one on the disc that doesn't sound like an outtake or B-side.

Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks: "Wicked Wanda"
Feedback fuzz, echo choruses and crawling guitar solos just work here. Combined with Malkmus' weirdo lyrics, they create an indie oasis that quenches a thirst for some beautiful noise. The intro makes me think I'm playing the opening of Metroid.

Nine Inch Nails: "Echoplex"
This is track is the centerpiece of an album thrown together, as an eventual means to put on one juggernaut of a tour. Sounds of an erratic 80's drum machine perfectly compliment Reznor's imagining of studio claustrophobia (and the industry's agoraphobia of free music). The instrumental outro (especially in concert) shows how plex these sounds can be.

TV on the Radio: "Stork and Owl"
What was lacking from TVOTR's Dear Science was the gloom and glum of their previous album. The industrial-strength coldness of Cookie Mountain showed the world how this Brooklyn band could channel solemn times in America. "Stork and Owl" comes closest to that high water mark, via quivering spoken lines and howls to the moon.

Coldplay: "Yes/Chinese Sleep Chant"
"Where's an Arabic violin break when you need one?" Will Hermes said it best when he compared this song's bridge to the rest of the bunch from the predictable Viva la Vida. The guitar and drums hypnotize in the verses, and the lyrics on consenting make the chorus internationally arousing. The hidden ending of a sleep chant is just cool... I don't know what's so Chinese about it.

***** 2008 BEST SONG *****
Guns N' Roses: "Catcher in the Rye"
Many people forget they've had to wait LONGER for albums to shape up: the music world had to wait 24 years for the Who to release an album; and Peter Gabriel's Big Blue Ball project took 15 years from recording to release. So, give Axl some slack. Maybe he was busy! I'd like to think that the last few years of the Chinese Democracy journey were spent crafting and executing this (relatively short for GNR) song about insanity and assassins. Of all the goodies on the album, this one symbolizes Axl's id and the current band (are they the same thing?)

1. OTHER BEST OF THE YEAR 2008 SELECTIONS

Best of the Year 2008: Music Videos

Annually StevePrutz.com reviews some pop culture and ranks a best in categories like film, music and television. This year is expanded to include critiques. This.... is.... 2008!

Last year was rich with artistic and unique music videos, many by new contestants. But in 2008, the perennial favorites have come back. With the launch of mtvmusic.com, there is a sense of nostalgia in the air. Old bands that make good video art are back for one more round. And, it seems that Grindhouse is more inspirational than critics originally thought! No Rickrolls here!


Coldplay: "Viva la Vida" (Version 2) [dir. Anton Corbijn]
If you don't know already, this is a tribute to the original video of Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence", a concept that that band hated. But, Corbijn's idea of a "king who is looking for a quiet place to sit" was brilliant. Instead of a beach chair this time around, the King is toting a painting and a sad expression.
Killer scene: Now he's got a boombox??? (1:53)
Yawn moment: I don't want to see the band ooh-ing the outro. (3:53)



Beck: "Youthless" [dir. Kris Moyes]
This music video shows that there are about 100 ways to depict Beck Hansen's head using art. We get stop-motion animation of stuff that looks like it came from the Neverending Story or Nightmare Before Christmas. All interesting.
Killer scene: Leatherface Beck! (2:08)
Yawn moment: That ghost looks nothing like him! (2:11)



Santogold: "LES Artistes" [dir. Nima Nourizadeh]
This is some surreal blood and guts. Basically this is all the violence an American could hope for, with no real bloodshed. The opening shot of the video (pictured) is just marvelous.
Killer scene: Stomping the melon-head (2:06)
Yawn moment: Stop crying that you're wet! More violence! (2:37)



MGMT: "Time to Pretend" [dir. Ray Tintori]
Every new band should wish for a video like this: something that perfectly describes their sound and theme. The special effects here are cheap, but do their job. Psychedelic!
Killer scene: The zebra feast. (1:33)
Yawn moment: Does the dolphin explosion really need to be in this vid? (3:40)


***** 2008 BEST VIDEO *****

Metallica: "All Nightmare Long" [dir. Roboshobo]
Twelve years after their last notable video, the old guard of speed metal return with a Soviet-zombie documentary. In metal, there are lots of music videos that try to mix horror and cool imagery with a song, but only Metallica has the budget to pull it off right.

The band is missing from the set (thank god) and replaced by a Russian scientist recalling the (oft-discussed-in-paranormal-circles) Tunguska event in Siberia. In this alternate history, it seems the Soviets have found something that could help them destroy capitalism once and for all. Animation and live action both help the plot. There's also this excerpt about chemtrails from a man in Stamps, Arkansas, which is pointless but intriguing.
Killer scene: at the crescendo of the song, the Commie robots appear! (7:08)
Yawn moment: the bad cat CGI (3:12)


****HONORABLE MENTIONS****
Bjork: "Wanderlust" [dir. Encyclopedia Pictura]
This took 9 months of post-production to get the special effects just right. The water is cool, but I wouldn't ride a buffalo down it with a haunted backpack.

Oasis: "Shock of the Lightning" [dir. Julian House and Julian Gibbs]
This stock footage interspersed with album art video is surprisingly good.

Sammy Hagar: "Cosmic Universal Fashion" [dir. Todd Gallopo and Zan Passante]
Trying to re-capitalize on 1992's "Right Now" video, Hagar gives viewers updates on current affairs and new (but cheap looking) stock footage.

Yeasayer: "Wait for the Summer" [dir. Mixtape Club]
The effects are super, but why such an obsession with the apple?

The Blizzards: "The Reason" [dir. Chris Sayer and Jason Arber]
Reminiscent of the effects of Muse's "Invincible", the story is about a 90-ft-tall female monster babe and the man who can't take his eyes off her.

ANJ: "Gorbachov" [dir. Tom Stern]
This international entry comes from Mother Russia (and it took me a few viewings to realize it was sung in English). But, the song is secondary to the video, which depicts buxom babes being attacked by undead communists! The protagonist, a shirtless, axe-wielding Mikhail Gorbachev runs in to save the day, just like in real life!

Flying Lotus: "Parisian Goldfish" [dir. Eric Wareheim]
Simple, tasteless; flashing lights.

1. OTHER BEST OF THE YEAR 2008 SELECTIONS

Five Awful NON-SCI-FI, NON-HORROR Films

Making fun of terrible movies is like shooting fish in a barrel: it's easy, fun and there are lots of barrels of fish to kill. But, when you remove sci-fi and fantasy from the equation of flops and bombs, it gets a little tougher. When you add the horror genre, it's slim pickings. Just then you remember all the movies you saw as a kid--about sports, war and comedies with Ernest. Wait, Ernest was and is somewhat cool. Here is a short list of those bad non-sci fi, non-horror movies.

Ground Rules:
a) movie cannot be hinged upon science fiction/futuristic/horror concepts
b) movie must be released in 1980 or later
c) movie must have some star power and a decent budget

Rocky V
This one is pretty easy to berate, so I will get it out of the way. Firstly, this film should not have been made. A book or a TV miniseries would have been better for god's sake. Basically, the story is about the downfall of Rocky's career and family (which I never wanted to see), only to have new life shot into Balboa's life by Tommy "the Machine" Gunn (get it?). I bet you can guess the rest of the story. Although it is riddled with flashback scenes from the previous sequels, not once does Rocky put on boxing gloves. Even worse, Stallone himself later said that this film deserves a 0 out of 10.
Bottom line: No film franchise is immune to the sequel kiss-of-death.

Hamburger Hill
War films can be terrific. Sometimes, they are just rip-offs of a movie that came out less than a year before. Now I know that Hamburger Hill is a "true story", but I can't get past Courtney B. Vance's fake glasses (there are tons of films that use fake plastic lenses instead of real prescriptions, but those horn-rimmed frames make the reflection worse!) This movie is an absolute cliche-fest. Mad black people, new recruits "learning the hard way", sobbing platoon leaders. And historically, this picture boils down to two things: cashing in on the Vietnam craze, and have some developing talents act (yell) with each other. Thank god Nicolas Cage wasn't in it...
Bottom line: There are only a few classic war movies post-1979.

Windtalkers
Oh, but I spoke too soon. WWII isn't safe from the (plasticized) face of The Cage. There are lots of untold stories in wartime, and Hollywood decided the Navajo needed a nod. Unfortunately, this movie slaps the Native Americans in the face because it focuses on Cage's character most of the time. I feel sorry for the people that saw this in the theaters, expecting a war drama and then watching Cage's character apeshit and samurai-style on hundreds of dimwitted Japanese soldiers.
Bottom line: There are only a few classic war movies post-1979.

Made
I had no idea what the amateur boxing match was about at the beginning until I read the Wikipedia synopsis. What is the point of this movie? Even Vince Vaughn (let alone P. Diddy) can save this soporific script. What am I supposed to do with this? Is this a buddy movie? Is this a road trip movie?
Bottom line: Don't ever try to be a quasi-sequel to Swingers.

Drillbit Taylor
The story goes something like this: a hobo (the cool-in-real-life Owen Wilson) is hired to beat up some super-bullies for some geeks. It's a real drag. Unfortunately, Wilson has no Vince Vaughn-esque sidekick to feed off, and therefore this comedy becomes one of those weird romantic, be-yourself yawn fests that you see in the bargain bin.
Bottom line: Owen Wilson without a sidekick is like Jesus without disciples--no buddies to hang out with.

BONUS!
Never Say Never Again
Bond films may be sci-fi, but most people ignore that fact, so I will too. Amazingly, 1983's Never Say Never Again is a remake of Thunderball (and it came out the same year as Roger Moore's Octopussy). Like Thunderball, it featured a (now aging) Sean Connery, whose former Bond film was 1971's Diamonds Are Forever. So what the hell... why did he come back? Personally, I don't want to see 007 with Great Looking Gray in his hair. Kim Basinger and a semi-video game are also featured, but neither the woman or the medium would reach their prime until 1989.


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