My David Bowie experience

[insert stoic Bowie photograph from the 70s (or 80s) here]

Like many Bowie fans, I was listening to Blackstar (★) on repeat this weekend. "Where the fuck did Monday go?", Bowie asks in "Girl Loves Me".

I was thinking about him a lot, especially that he turned 69. I watched dozens of his music videos and interviews on YouTube. I even edited Wikipedia articles to add some detail about some of the more recent videos. Also I highly suggest The Church of Man-Love.

I saw a 1999 interview where Bowie recounted a documentary about dirty bombs (and his dread of terrorism). He kept the conversation light though, but it was an eerie vision into what would happen the New York two years later. I saw another interview where he recounted his shaving of eyebrows in frustration with Mott the Hoople. I kept comparing his 2015 facial structure to that of the 2000's A Reality tour, when he looked much more animated and youthful. He still was a sex symbol, even close to the end.

As I watched some of his recent videos from the Next Day and Blackstar, I kept thinking, "I can't wait to see what he produces next". And, "he's not too old. He looks healthy in 'Lazarus'. How old is 69 anyway?" I was really looking forward, which is something all good artists teach others to do.

Saturday night they had karaoke at a work party. Nobody sang Bowie, but I was itching to try out "China Girl" to an unsuspecting audience of non-Bowie fans. They probably didn't realize there were "visions of swastikas in my head". I don't have the vocal range.

Bowie's songs always had some weirdness. He was really into eerie melodies and atonal music, and it's all over his singles. Either lyrics ("As they pulled you out of the oxygen tent") or melodies (check out "Life on Mars?" chord progression).

Sunday morning, when I drove downtown, the local public radio (KOOP) was playing covers of Bowie songs by Bauhaus and by other artists. It was a Bowie-celebration.

I learned of his death by a talk radio show. They were playing isolated vocals of  "Under Pressure". At first, I thought the Bowie-celebration was still going, which made me happy. Ten minutes into the tribute, I knew it was reality.

My parents introduced me to Bowie. They loved him. My dad had a US vinyl copy of The Man Who Sold the World. The cover was not the one that people remember:

My dad recounted to me that his mother (my Grandma) would often go into his vinyl collection and read the lyrics. She thought Bowie was on drugs. Even though he was, Bowie was genuinely weird, and definitely a one-of-a-kind trendsetter. A genius, most likely.

I remember exactly where I was when I first heard "Space Oddity". I was in junior high, and I was listening to a small college radio station in my hometown. I was in an unfinished basement, and the DJ introduced the song with a long delay of silence. Then, the two-chord intro came on. The lyrics hit my brain and inspired me. I was hooked after that.

Grantland wrote a really good "nobituary" in 2013 when there was a rumor of Bowie's death. It goes into great detail about some of the underrated highlights and career moves of the man. I suggest you read it.

Maybe that is what early January needs to be: a few days of Bowie retrospection.

If you haven't heard his non-hits and less notable releases, I would start with the electronic era of Earthling and Outside. There is some hard hitting drum-and-bass jams on there. "The Last Thing You Should Do" is a great song for a good car audio system.

Right now, if I had to rank some of my favorite tunes from the man, I would go:

5. I'm Afraid of Americans V1
4. TVC-15
3. Life on Mars?
2. Sound and Vision
1. Space Oddity

That's all I can muster right now. Check out the audible breaths Bowie takes on the Blackstar version of "'Tis a Pity She Was a Whore". I don't know why, but I like it.

Death can be inspiring. Take Kurt Cobain as an example; a whole cult of personality was built around him. Bowie, in life, already had a cult. To me, Bowie epitomized the cool. What will happen as times crawls on without Bowie? Alas, I'm still looking forward to the future.

Gene Simmons and NPR

KISS is finally being inducted into the Rock Hall. I decided this is the right time to get this one out: the infamous NPR interview that exposed some heavy metal to the intelligentsia.

Gene Simmons is smart, and he has the ego to prove it.

If you don't know anything about Kiss or Gene Simmons, maybe you should visit YouTube for a few hours (the daytime talk show appearances are some of the best). Keywords: "kiss interview over 10 minutes". Gene and Paul Stanley were the inaugural rock stars in the post-Beatles, post-Stones music world. Maybe you could call them Second Generation of Rock. And, like their progenitors, they wholeheartedly carried on with excess (mainly in the department of lovemaking).

Simmons decided to go on to NPR (maybe he was asked) in 2002. The interview never aired, but good things never stay buried. What most people hear from this interview are heavy doses of misogyny and egotism. Once you cut through that, what I hear is more profound. Some excerpts:

Terry Gross: How would you describe the pattern on your face?
Gene Simmons: A banker's pattern. When you look at it, it says, "Boy! That guy's got a lot of money."
[...]
Terry Gross: "Well, let's cut to the chase. How much -- how much money do you have?"
Gene Simmons: "Gee, a lot more than NPR."

This is when The Resentment starts between the host and the interviewee. And, to be honest, it is Gene gloating over his money, but compounding it with his disdain for all things NPR. "All things NPR" is any organization that represents secular thought, but is ultimately biased and myopic (and too uptight to admit it).

From here on it really gets interesting, and Terry Gross and Gene start rubbing each other the wrong way. The words "obnoxious" and "defensive" are used to describe the musician. Then, they talk about sexual prowess. And what it is to be an "honest man" to a woman. Then, they steer into music, and we get this:

Terry Gross: "Are you interested in music, or is the goal of being in a rock band to have sex a lot?"
Gene Simmons: "I believe in my heart that anyone who gets up there and says what they're doing is art is on crack, and is delusional, and that in point of fact, what they really ... their modus operandi initially -- perhaps it changed when they started to question their sexuality, but clearly, initially -- it was to get laid and make lots of money. And anybody who tells you otherwise is lying to you. The reason we all wanted to pick up instruments initially ... you know, publicly, anyway -- I will grant you there are those people who really love music and simply want to do it as a private pleasure."

All for a ladypiece!

Wow. In that small speech, he sums up the motive for pop music (and perhaps everything culture ever does) is to get laid. This blew my mind, because of the truth of it. For a man, everything before and after sex is designed for the purpose of more sex. That is also what biology teaches. The rock star goes on:

Gene: "I'm not delusional enough to think that what I do is important to life as we know it on this planet. No. But neither is what you do. You know, the world can get along very well without us. Farmers are more important. Teachers, and firemen, and so on, because if they're not around it really affects us. Your job and my job, whether you wear less makeup and I wear more makeup, is to entertain people. And I'm here to tell you: I'm very entertaining. I don't know about you. But this is NPR. [laughs]"

Again, that private pleasure notion of music versus the public "performativity" of concert music. Public expression of music, from an instinct perspective, is purely for personal gain. Yes, he does take a jab at NPR. NPR doesn't get criticized a lot, and maybe this is a bad thing. Freedom of choice, opinion, expression is something paramount in the entertainment business. And entertainment is irrelevant to life on this planet. But, the human ego is essential.

Terry Gross: But my impression is you don't have much sympathy for anyone. You -- you're so in to yourself! You're just so deep into yourself.

Gene Simmons: Well, I think ... I think everybody should be. If it sounds like admiration coming out of you, I accept it. I think ... it -- life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself. Which is -- you should really like yourself more than you deserve to, because the alternative isn't very good. You should really think you are better looking than you are, because the alternative is ... sort of ... you know, some ... some bad notions. And so I'm aware, as a sane person, that I'm not the best-looking guy in the world. I'm aware of it. But when I go into a party, I will walk out with your girlfriend.

A lesson in human nature here. The boldest man in the room may not always be the smartest, but he'll get the girl. Sound advice from someone who used it over and over again. Gene Simmons also songwrites, plays bass guitars, and performs theatrics onstage while singing and playing bass.

I could go on and on about this one interview. There's many more notable quotes, but you should just listen for yourself. And, leave your subjectivity at the door. Yes, Gene is an abrasive personality, but he called my attention to how toxic even public radio can be.

My Lou Reed experience

I hesitated to write anything when I heard Lou Reed died... at first. Because I am a rookie. My first serious encounters with VU and Lou started only recently in the 2010s. Before that, it was just brief glimpses of Reed's music. The first version of "Venus in Furs" I'd ever heard was a 1999 cover by Dave Navarro (which is good). Lou's "Walk on the Wild Side" sounded horrible, so I discounted his career for a long time. Then, I visited New York City.

New York City is so awesome. I wish I could have lived there during the late 60s and during the 1977 CBGB-punk era. I learned a lot about music before, during, and after my first visit there. A New York trip has become an autumn tradition for me.

In the past week, I have blasted "I'm Waiting for the Man", at least three times. I listened to 90% of Lou's solo catalog just this year (thanks Spotify). That is a shitload of music. I am fortunate to know about him before he died. A lot of it I do not like, but I listened to all of it because of Advanced Genius Theory. AGT is a humor book that inspires one to look at weirdness in another way. Lou Reed is the focal point of the theory. The book forced me to listen to Metal Machine Music. Rather, it opened me up to the idea that the music had more than meets the eye. I also listened to Lulu when it came out. A lot of it is awful, but there are some moments where it is worth rewinding. There is also a Gorillaz live performance that is just... indescribable.

The crowd sounds like they are booing, but it's just "Louing". The man looks uncomfortable on stage (and he probably is). Lou needs a music stand to see the lyrics to the Damon Albarn song. Just look at the guitar choice. He is yelling at the sound guy throughout the performance. What the fuck is this? Is this a genius?

I also recently watched two of Reed's 80s music videos: "No Money Down" & "The Original Wrapper". They were so noteworthy (to me) that I created Wikipedia articles on them. Definitely worth a watch. A few months ago, I watched a documentary on Transformer (thanks Netflix). I loved it, because it went over a lot of Lou Reed's life... not just the 1972 record.

I mentioned Lou Reed on at least three dates in the past year. That's the biggest compliment I could pay him. None of my dates really knew his music, but they knew who who the guy was.

Song recommendations:

• "Waiting for the Man" (VU)
• "Satellite of Love" (for the outro)
• "The Kids"
• "The Gun"
• Metal Machine Music
• "Street Hassle"
• "Original Wrapper" (remix)
• "The Raven" (mostly for Willem Dafoe)
• "Junior Dad" (Loutallica) 

Spotify Wishlist

Let me be clear: Spotify is immense. It has opened my musical world tenfold. But, there are gaps in its huge catalog of records. These are the things that are missing:
 

Updated July 12, 2017

MISSING FROM CATALOG:

• Peter Gabriel: assorted (they removed it)
• Genesis: The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway
• Tool: all major releases
• King Crimson: all major releases
• Prince: The Gold Experience, Chaos and Disorder, Emancipation, Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic, 3121, Lotusflower, & 20Ten
• Zwan: Mary Star of the Sea
• Omar Rodriguez-Lopez: assorted
• John Frusciante: assorted
• Dave Clark Five: Glad All Over
• Graham Coxon: A+E
• Skysaw
• John Entwistle: all major releases

GAPS ADDED TO CATALOG:

• Girl Band (Dublin)
• Lou Reed: New Sensations
• Kinks: Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround, Part One  
• The Frogs: all major releases 
• Rick James: Cold Blooded, & Glow 
• Klaxons: Surfing the Void
• Placebo, Black Market Music, Without You I'm Nothing, Sleeping with Ghosts 
• Pink Floyd
• Silverchair: Freak Show
• Lou Reed: Street Hassle
• Prince: Diamonds and Pearls
• Metallica
• Prince: For You
• Melissa Auf der Maur: Auf der Maur
• Beady Eye: (BE)
• Led Zeppelin
• Boards of Canada
• Rick James: Bustin' out  of L Seven
• Pete Townshend: solo albums (specifically the "Slit Skirts" track!) 
• The Legendary Stardust Cowboy: "Paralyzed" and "I Took a Trip (On a Gemini Spaceship)" 
• Jesus and Mary Chain: "Upside Down"
• Lou Reed & Metallica: Lulu
• Sponge: Rotting Pinata
• U2: "Discotheque" (from Pop)
• The Rentals: Return of the Rentals
• Gang of Four: Solid Gold, Songs of the Free, & Hard
• Jimmy Chamberlain Complex
• Sam Kinison: all major releases
• Ronnie Wood: assorted

Here's a link to submit requests to Spotify US: https://www.spotify.com/us/about-us/contact/contact-spotify-support/?contact

The grungyness of post-grunge

I've always been leery about the Foo Fighters. Let's rewind back to 1994. I only witnessed Nirvana Unplugged after the Kurt Cobain suicide (when MTV played it into the ground). But, when Cobain did die, the band broke up for good. This is a very good thing. Dave Grohl (technically) did the right thing and made a new band of his own. In an alternate reality, he could have led a Nirvana Mark Two into a pseudo-grunge era. Let's talk about that label: grunge.

First of all, grunge isn't what you think. Unless you were in Seattle in the late 80s, or are a rock historian, you don't really understand. And, let's be honest: most musicians don't even know what genre their song represents. Let's even be more honest: genres are an imperfect quagmire of a system.

When I think of "grunge", I do not think about Nirvana. My mind echoes Soundgarden, Mother Love Bone, Mudhoney. Nirvana transcended the genre pigeonhole in 1991.

The year of 1994 was a pivotal moment in my life. My favorite year of music. Several albums were hot then: Siamese Dream, Throwing Copper, The Downward Spiral. None of those were grunge, however. The post-grunge era of music had already begun.

What is post-grunge? For examples, listen to:

• Bush: Sixteen Stone
• Foo Fighters: The Colour and the Shape
• Creed: My Own Prison
• Nickelback...
• anything labeled "2000s rock" in your iTunes

Eww... hair...

When the Colour and the Shape  released in 1997, the music world was a terrifying place. All the old alt-rock giants that couldn't adapt went the way of the dinosaur. That summer, I got a major lesson in music culture... via the Boy Scouts. Bands like K's Choice, Matchbox 20, Collective Soul, Radiohead, and Foo Fighters were major topics of discussion, as we had no radio and only CDs and tape recordings. These were all bands that were marketed and produced as "grungy", but without all the flannel and whatnot. "Diet grunge"... But, removing the "whatnot" would be looked back on as a mistake.

The Foo Fighters were (and are) very popular. In 1997, all of my friends loved their second album. But, as I said before, I was leery. I didn't like it. I bought the album (only because of the "Everlong" video), but the rest of that album is extremely polished quasi-grunge. Take a look at the vapid "My Hero"... Not that deep, and perfect for Guitar Center clientele. I admit, I learned to play that song on guitar (it's very easy). Dave Grohl pretty much single-handedly invented this style. And even right now, in 2012, he is still in his element. Dave's music wins Grammys. And I'm not blaming him for ruining music. Ultimately, the masses ruin everything...

The question is: Post-grunge--when the hell will this sub-sub-genre ever become unpopular?
The dilemma: no one would ever admit their favorite music is post-grunge.

The Best Vietnam Song

What is the best musical expression to fit the Vietnam Conflict? ...I know what I'm getting into here. Nostalgia. Stepping on the memories of vets. Rolling Stones bashing.

The war happened between 1963 and 1972: Military overconfidence, civilian casualties, strung-out draftees. Even in the wake of the aftermath, artists still wrote about the conflict. But which has the perfect vibe?

A few songs come to mind:

• "Blowin' in the Wind" (1963)
• "The Times They Are a-Changin'" (1964)
• "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)"  (1965)
• "The End" (1967)
• "White Rabbit" (1967)
• "Give Peace a Chance" (1969)
• "Fortunate Son" (1969)
• "War Pigs" (1970)
• "Born in the USA" (1984)

Now Bob Dylan was mega in that era. A poetic and a reluctant leader. He would deny the Sixties and probably say he was above the war and politics. I'm going to throw him out, yes I am.

"Satisfaction" by the Stones seems almost perfect. Not for the content, but the attitude. Who can forget the water skiing scene in Apocalypse Now? But, it's not there yet. In that same film, "The End" destroys a treeline (and a man) with atonal cacophony. And that's what Vietnam encapsulated: Western cacophony. But, the Doors are a little too hipster for the demographic of Army grunts, aren't they?.

"White Rabbit" seems ideal with the whole drug culture thing. But, not everyone did dope. And, the crescendo ending is almost triumphant. Vietnam wasn't about triumph. Creedence Clearwater Revival is the face of Southern rock. And, I must have looped "Fortunate Son" once for a straight hour. But, I feel that this is a song for all the people who didn't get drafted. It wasn't an anthem for soldiers, was it?

Black Sabbath doesn't bring Saigon or Mekong to mind. I feel it was a tad too heavy for the time, an eclectic track. Now, a classic; then, an outsider metal song.

I doubt most veterans realize "Born in the U.S.A." is anti-Vietnam. It came out in the 80s, and had every American flag-waver singing the chorus (but ignoring the verses). Ironic, and probably frustrating for Springsteen. Really good songwriting... not depressing enough.

....There is one song, unlisted and relatively unknown to pop culture. And, to be honest, it--above all others--captures the essence of Vietnam. The essence that Capt. Benjamin Willard shows in the Kurtz compound. The paranoia, the distress... raw insanity. Synthesizers. Fucking 'Nam.


The Frogs are a weird band, no getting around that. So obscure, yet so respected by the rock community. Kind of like the Shaggs, even down to the family connection. But not really.

They have a song, not on any of their albums, which succinctly describes this War. Napster brought this song to my ears. My best guess for recording year is 1995.

"'Nam" starts with a warm synthesizer, and like any good epic, resonates with an opening: "I wish to God/I'd never gone/to Vietnam". And, from there, the descent into madness. It's more of a soliloquy than a song.

God, did they nail it. The nature of modern warfare is there. It's almost soothing. Free form droning with barely a rhyme (just like Vietnam). Sound effects like helicopter propellers and gunfire--real horror gunfire--issue from the left speaker. And, the wails of women are heard.

Their song is a soldier's recollection of Vietnam in a sequence of random imagery and inner dialogue. I can imagine a veteran smoking on his couch. M16 in-hand, eyes glazed over, recanting his successes and failures through military service. Spouting lines like he's flipping through TV stations. One minute he's talking about being a hero, the next he's torturing a Vietcong. Fantasizing about girls he left back home; then Comin' Home in a Body Bag rants. It's all violent, even the crying.

The synth pulses sound like a funeral dirge... a predecessor to Radiohead's piano experiments. Dennis Flemion's voice sounds sneering, fragile, whiny, angry, real. The final couplet summarizes the war like a sportscaster: USA, zero. Vietnam, one.

It clocks in at over eight minutes and there's nothing I can find about it online. So, I'm posting the file and the lyrics for posterity's sake.

Edit: forgot to name-drop Alice in Chains "Rooster"!

The MP3 is available here.

Further reading:

• http://www.rjsmith.com/vietnam-era-music.html
• http://www.jwsrockgarden.com/jw02vvaw.htm
• http://www.ichiban1.org/html/music.htm
• http://betterinhaledeeply.blogspot.com/2006/03/top-ten-vietnam-songs.html

'Nam Lyrics

 -

There were years
There were years
Those were years,
I'd like to forget.
 

I wish to God
I'd never gone
to Vietnam

Fuckin' 'Nam!
Fuckin' 'Nam!
Viet Nam!

There were times
Had to shoot
Fucking had to shoot
my gun

There were times
(Vietnam)
when the pain
got so bad
in 'Nam

Maybe took
Gook by the hair
Did some damage
in Vietnam

Yeah
apologies came later
Said I was sorry
Said I was sorry
for the My Lai Massacre

Havin' kicks
Havin' my kicks
with a broad.
Vietnam.

People think it was a joke:
Listen to rock n' roll music
and drive around in cars.

Well, I fought
for our freedom
in Vietnam

Fuckin' Vietnam.
It wasn't fun.

What was it like in.....
Vietnam?

Did I say it sucked?

Rice paddy nights
No light
The light was gone

Occasionally
we had some fun
Maybe pull out a gun
Re-slant the Gook's eyes
 

I said I was sorry
for the shit in 'Nam
Yeah, I came back a hero
from Vietnam.

Still trying to get over
the good times
Good times I had
Everything was fun,
Vietnam

Oh, I cried a lot of tears
Charlie don't surf no more
He got, he got
fucked up behind the ears

Excuse me, I have to fight again.
 

(Sorry about that.
It's just, just part of
the way things are in Vietnam.)

Did you get my letter?
Did you get my letter?
I know you'll still love me
when I get back home.

After all, it's part of
my reward
for the good I've done.

It's going to be nice
being
decorated with medals.
Gonna be good times.

Everyone will cheer.
Throw up their arms
and climb
to the highest sphere.

I'm a hero now.
The War days are done.
They're behind me now.

They shouldn't have let me
Shouldn't have let me
bring home my gun.

Everyone once in awhile
I get the fuckin' memories,
Vietnam.

You'll maybe see
a Gook's head
A baby head
Floating in a river.
Da Nang.
Vietnam.

Sorry Charlie,
you don't fucking
surf no more.

Charlie don't fucking
live no more.
He don't.
He don't live no more
in Vietnam.

Others shipped him home
In a bag.
It was his bag
to be shipped home
from Vietnam.

Job well done!
Vietnam!

USA, zero.
Vietnam, one.

It’s Only Right and Natural: an Autobiography Translated

I have below a translation of one of the hardest things I’ve ever read. Harder than making it through Tom Sawyer’s southern dialect or James Joyce’s consciousness. It was a challenge, and hours to complete fully. I had to rewrite and re-think what I knew about grammar—semicolons, punctuations, paragraphs, ellipses, inner dialogue, etc. It was a beast. But reading it made me laugh, because it started to throw in puns and wordplay (if you only knew the inside jokes!) I tried to mark and notate the mental illness as best I could. Still difficult, but worth it. Especially if you are a fan of alternative music, and never heard of the cult band The Frogs. I’ll leave it at that. Without further ado: The Frogs’ Myspace autobiography.

[It] began in earnest 1980. [We] played five “warm up” shows to get our feet wet at UW-Milwaukee—open mike, etc. Rocked them, knew we were ready and moved on… to the Starship (a downtown Milwaukee nightclub). Initially [we] had a small but loyal “skate punk” following… That didn’t last. From June to October 1980, we went through half a dozen changes stylistically—soundscaping faster than our audience could keep up with: a) electric guitar, three drums, floor tom, snare and cymbal; b) electric guitar, three drums, floor tom, snare, cymbal, drum machine, washing machine, etc.

After Halloween 1980 we decided we wouldn’t play live again until our set consisted of all originals—and we set out to do just that. Then sometime in 1982, Jim wrote “Death Songs” (to be continued). Backtrack: we were never a folk-rock duo; we were drums and wires, drums and electric guitar from the get-go; and we rocked the hell out of Donovan, Beatle ballads, Leonard Cohen, nursery rhymes, etc. An eclectic mix as I say, from the start. Although, what must be stated up front is that—for all intents and purposes—when we got the group together in 1980, to our eyes and ears rock was already dead. But, we decided to throw in our two cents’ worth anyway. So we started playing live; mastering the stage as we went, becoming our own best friend in the process. The perfect unit/ensemble a la Beatles, Rolling Stones, who-have-you; and that was that. [We also liked] taking the piss out of every (pretentious) bitch/witch/bastard who happened along the way; needing bringing down a rung or two (or three or, for that matter/fatter, four). To be continued for you and me. (Two beat continyoued for u and meet.)

Alternative Nation: wut happen?

I stumbled upon this retrospective of the 90s today. Full of quotables, "I was there" moments, and brilliance.

Love this: "...With the Internet, we know about every promising band seemingly from the time it records its first demos. By the time the album comes out, the backlash has already kicked in. Now the challenge is to not be informed; surprising people has gone the way of putting current events on newsprint. It’s almost like we don’t want to be surprised anymore, because that means we’re somehow out-of-the-loop, or not savvy enough to be there first, which seems to be of the utmost importance when it comes to music these days."

A great read for those sitting at a relative's house, waiting for the turkey to burn.

What Happened to Alternative Nation?
http://www.avclub.com/features/whatever-happened-to-alternative-nation/

Know Your 80s Charity Supergroups REDUX

(original post here)

Twenty-five freaking years ago, "We Are the World" was born from Lionel and Michael (their last names are not required!) Now, MJ is gone, and the airwaves are quite different. In the diverse and expanded universe we call "pop music" (read: R&B), EVERYONE wants a piece of the charity cake. If only some ground-shaking event would make an old song rise from the grave (read: subtle voodoo undead reference). Enter, Artists for Haiti!

I have to get this side-by-side comparison out of the way... Here it is, past and present.

USA for Africa (old) Song title: "We Are the World" People count: 45 Blind persons: 2 Ghostbusters involved? Dan Akroyd Jacksons: 7 Dudes: 0 Actual Africans: 0 Country musicians: 3 Non-artist celebrities: 2

Artists for Haiti (new) Song title: "We Are the World" People count: 72 Blind persons: 0 Ghostbusters involved? none Jacksons: 5* (*MJ posthumous) Dudes: 2 (Vince Vaughn and... Jeff Bridges) Actual Haitians: 2 (Jimmy Jean-Louis, Wyclef) Country musicians: 2 Non-artist celebrities: 1 (Vince)

Food for thought?

I also wanted to cover the charity song by Little Steven (Steven Van Zandt). This guitarist for Springsteen thought apartheid sucked in South Africa. But, it was way too political of a song, and it didn't fare as well as the "peace, love" vibe of "We Are the World". There's even anti-Reagan sentiment to be had!

Great bands should stay dead

It always bothers me when a band reunion is announced, because it is almost always for money. Yes, some people need that income again after a long dry spell, but the price of integrity is too steep. I understand some of these bands rekindle friendships and hug; but why in front of the limelight again? Have they grown up at all? Don't they have mansions where they can do this privately? They're like drug addicts falling into old patterns.

I wracked my brain to think of legendary groups that never took payola for a massive tour and a crummy comeback album. It is a dramatically short list, albeit incomplete. I also started making lists of big groups that were way better off (historically) by ending. Just some food for thought...

Groups that have remained broken up:

1. The Beatles
2. Nirvana
3. The Doors
4. Creedence Clearwater Revival
5. Soundgarden*

*As of Jan 1, 2010, Soundgarden is fricking reuniting!

Bands that promised they would never reunite, but did:

1. Led Zeppelin
2. The Who
3. The Grateful Dead
4. Van Halen (Roth)
   
5. Eagles
6. The Smashing Pumpkins

Other bands that should have stayed dead:

1. Blind Melon
2. Alice in Chains
3. Stone Temple Pilots
4. Queen
5. INXS
   
6. Any band like Styx, Foreigner or Journey

Now, to see if there is any correlation on length of time broken up with length of time reunited.

Rock 'n Roll Research: Where does my music originate?

I have always been fascinated by band origins and how they are founded. For instance, most everyone knows the Beatles are from the Liverpool area. Aerosmith is from Boston but Steven Tyler met Joe Perry in New Hampshire, and the band Boston is really from Boston. But the band Berlin is from Los Angeles; Beirut from New Mexico. This kind of thing intrigues me. Music is complex and stupid.

I combined this with a personal inquiry: what country produces the most rock music that I normally listen to? Like, when I flip on a radio or take a look at my MP3's, would I most likely to listen to an American band, or what? So, I made a spreadsheet.

Ground rules:
1. Must be rock bands from the post-Beatles era.
2. Must be notable artists.
3. No overlapping bands and side projects (Yardbirds, Cream, Derek and the Dominos are all treated as one, because of the Eric Clapton [UK] connection).
4. No multinational bands (no Talking Heads, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Garbage)

I made a list of 100 groups (which is harder than it sounds) and categorized them by country of origin. For instance, Radiohead would count as 1 credit for the UK. I found something interesting:


For an American kid, there is a 43% chance I would be listening to music from the United Kingdom. This influence is surprising, considering the USA has almost always had 3x the population (and by logic, 3x the opportunity for successful music acts).

Raw data:
http://www.steveprutz.com/files/data/bandorigins.XLS

Perhaps my next research project will be a thesis on why the coda of "Jungleland" is perfect for a driving scene in a film.

The Advanced Theory of Rock: Who is Advanced?

Advanced Theory is an idea about musicians we like and the choices they make that we hate. It is very hard to explain, much like quantum physics. The following is a (chat log) discussion (between me and old friend Eddie Tomayko) and introduction to the concept. It should be noted that I was drunk, but lucid.

(11:37:50 PM) maximumsp: [Billy] corgan has become... i dont know what
(11:38:03 PM) maximumsp: something to loathe?
(11:38:29 PM) maximumsp: have you heard of Advanced Theory?
(11:38:45 PM) lemon031: i wouldnt say that but he's fallen into that hole a lot of once huge artists do... where they think they can collaborate with whoever and put out gold when in fact it's just shit
(11:38:50 PM) lemon031: no
(11:39:20 PM) maximumsp: Advanced Theory is perplexing... it basically states that any artist who does something terrible is advanced to a higher level
(11:39:34 PM) maximumsp: i dont understand Lou Reed to this day, but he is Advanced.
(11:39:42 PM) maximumsp: so is Val Kilmer, according to the theorists
(11:39:55 PM) maximumsp: i shouldnt have used the word 'any'
(11:40:06 PM) lemon031: lol
(11:40:22 PM) lemon031: so let me think of someone who qualifies
(11:40:25 PM) lemon031: hmm
(11:40:46 PM) lemon031: bruce campbell?
(11:40:53 PM) maximumsp: someone who does something disappointing or uncharacteristic
(11:41:01 PM) maximumsp: i would have to think about Bruce...
(11:41:03 PM) lemon031: i guess he doesnt count
(11:41:11 PM) lemon031: bc it was meant as farce
(11:41:27 PM) lemon031: how about isiah thomas post playing days
(11:41:39 PM) maximumsp: dont know enough about him anymore
(11:42:04 PM) lemon031: just a comically terribad coach/gm of the knicks
(11:42:22 PM) maximumsp: trying to remember what i read
(11:42:54 PM) maximumsp: trying to pick a sports star that fits the theory
(11:43:17 PM) lemon031: manny
(11:43:19 PM) maximumsp: i would say Shaq, but i dunno sports arent my forte
(11:43:24 PM) maximumsp: holy shit youre right
(11:43:25 PM) maximumsp: MAN RAM
(11:43:30 PM) lemon031: lol
(11:43:36 PM) maximumsp: fucking noble
(11:43:37 PM) lemon031: nah shaq doesnt fit
(11:44:17 PM) lemon031: im trying to think of a political example
(11:44:21 PM) maximumsp: Bob Dylan selling out for a Victoria's Secret commerical = ADVANCED
(11:44:33 PM) lemon031: lol def
(11:44:33 PM) maximumsp: http://advancedtheory.blogspot.com

(11:46:06 PM) lemon031: politics has to be sarah barracuda
(11:46:18 PM) maximumsp: hmm maybe
(11:46:24 PM) lemon031: who else can quit their job and be about to get rich as shit
(11:46:39 PM) maximumsp: i think one of the rules is that you have to have an un-ironic mullet at some point... so that discounts her
(11:46:51 PM) lemon031: hahaha
(11:47:21 PM) lemon031: well look at her hairdos back from her early sportscaster days. looks like "the real housewives of 1983 new jersey"
(11:47:40 PM) maximumsp: i gotta write this shit down
(11:47:56 PM) lemon031: haha
(11:48:12 PM) lemon031: newt gingrich
(11:48:14 PM) maximumsp: i wish i had my book here so i could read passages
(11:48:20 PM) maximumsp: i dunno about Newt
(11:48:28 PM) lemon031: no hear me out
(11:48:49 PM) lemon031: heads up the contract with america, hammers clinton for fucking monica lewinsky
(11:48:59 PM) lemon031: ends up he's cheating on like his 3rd wife
(11:49:15 PM) lemon031: ends up near the head of the party today
(11:49:24 PM) lemon031: could say the same about rush limbaugh too
(11:49:54 PM) maximumsp: i dunno what Rush did that was advanced
(11:50:07 PM) maximumsp: painkillers?
(11:50:15 PM) lemon031: railed on drug users for being weak minded forever and then turns out he's a pillhead
(11:50:22 PM) lemon031: now he's bigger (pun intended) than ever
(11:50:55 PM) maximumsp: there's also something called OVERT in the theory, that means something hypocritical is done that isnt advanced
(11:51:08 PM) maximumsp: so Rush is overt, because he is TRYING to be advanced

Covers are just tacky and lazy

Cover versions of popular music is typically the lowest form of art. I say this because it is usually unoriginal and done for the wrong things (money). Basing your whole act on another band, well, is just tacky and lazy. No real artist thinks cover bands are cool.

I think this realization came to me when I bought the Godzilla 1998 soundtrack and listened to the opening track, for the first and last time. It was David Bowie's "Heroes", performed by the Wallflowers. I was an absolute replica, with maybe some better production quality. It was pointless. Why would you do such a thing?

One time there was a street carnival downtown, and I had to work. A good friend coaxed me to shut the store down and we walked over to see a band. They were middle-aged, and looked like they had more than one Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt in their closet. And for some unknown reason, they began to play Radiohead's "Creep". It was terrible, because they didn't do the amp-distortion-check-sound before the chorus, which makes the song. Ironically, I had a copy of The Bends in my pocket while I watched them.

That also reminds me of a junior high talent show. A band played Blur's "Song 2", and they also messed up the best part of the song (the "woo-hoo"). The singer did the opposite of what was required, and sang the part in a deep, sarcastic voice. But, I have to give them credit for being 14 and playing in front of all their peers at grade 9.

I mean even classical conducters and orchestras are to blame here. They are playing 200-year-old songs. They are cover bands. Sometimes they are called tribute bands, and sometimes they are all-female versions of AC/DC. And don't get me started on jazz and blues. These are genres solely dedicated to simply covering old songs.

But there is some light at the end of the dark, musty cave here. So, it's time to talk about unique covers. You know, the ones that are so distinctive they garner respect and admiration (there are only like, three).

"Blinded by the Light" is a great, great song. Manfred Mann's rendition hit #1 on the Hot 100 in 1977, and unlike the original Bruce Springsteen version, this one was catchy as hell. My father, a vehement supporter of the Boss, always mentions how Manfred sounds like he is saying "douche" instead of "deuce" in the chorus. But, who knows what he's really singing about. The guitar effects give this version a groove that is hard to prove it isn't an original.

"Mr Tambourine Man" as performed by William Shatner is definitely outsider music. You probably haven't heard it unless you received The Transformed Man as a gag gift. I truly wonder if Bob Dylan has ever heard Shatner utterly screaming the last line from this 1968 art experiment.

Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" is probably the best cover ever. Don't laugh. It is totally different from the original 1983 electronic standard, which is hard to think of without red hair and a synth beat. Manson totally reinvented the wheel here. The guitar and way the lyrics are sung are just... original. The band could have dropped the lyrics and wrote their own for a decent song.

Also, Hendrix's "All Along the Watchtower" is better than the original

I dare you to suggest better covers. Don't even mention those goddamned string tribute albums. And if you are thinking right now that Johnny Cash's "Hurt" is the best cover, I want to spit on you.

Know Your 80s Charity Supergroups

The 1980s were a weird time. That is a huge compliment because the 1970s came just before, and they were odd, too. The Eighties were the era of the space shuttle, neon clothing, "Just Say No", MTV, Hands Across America and... caring about Africa by way of recording music. How did this all happen???

Before that time, no Cold War American really cared about the rest of the world, and especially not places like Ethiopia. But social awareness came into being (somehow), and we're all the wiser about the litany of famines and genocides (still going on) today. I would say 99% of that knowledge came from two groups of pop stars that came together and wrote songs specifically for the Dark Continent. But, do you remember which is which?


Band Aid
Song title: "Do They Know It's Christmas?" (aka Feed the World)
People count: 44
Blind persons: 0
Jacksons?: 0
Ghostbusters involved? 0
Artists still alive today: all 44
Music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jEnTSQStGE



USA for Africa
Song title: "We Are the World"
People count: 45
Blind persons: 2
Ghostbusters involved? Dan Akroyd
Jacksons: 7
Artists still alive today: 42 (RIP Ray Charles and Waylon Jennings... update 2009: Michael Jackson)
Music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INwB0BWVDnM