Suspiria 2018 is almost
three hours long. Imagine seeing a slow, atmospheric movie on a weeknight. That's how I experienced it, and I don't recommend seeing it even in ideal conditions. It's a movie about a witch-run dance school, but there is very little dancing. Like, I don't
want to see choreographed dance routines, but I was honestly subverted on that point. I also went in knowing the 1977 original work. I wouldn't call this film a remake, no way. It's barely got the original plot, and the rest is all new. That's not a compliment. I could have been marketed as a totally new idea, and it's sad it had to go with brand recognition--which is a stretch for an Italian cult horror film. Maybe it could have been called
A Coven Milling About. I was expecting great special effects demonstrating black magic and witch-power, but again, I was disappointed. Halfway through, I couldn't wait to go home.
A comment: the cast is almost entirely female. There are two males that I recall, obviously a call to how "feminist" the filmmakers wanted this whole ordeal to be. And I think the director, Luca Guadagnino, intentionally cast grotesque and ugly women to support "Susie" (Dakota Johnson). It was really distracting--too much so. I realize how superficial this whole paragraph sounds, but honesty triumphs over deception.
I'm glad it bombed. I'll be surprised if it wins any mainstream awards. Tilda Swinton isn't even worth seeing--not her best work at all. The Thom Yorke soundtrack is overrated (hard overrated). None of this is worth a second of your time. Go see the original and its sequel,
Inferno, which was on Amazon Prime last I checked.
