Friday, June 30, 2006

Mothballs

It smells like a truck of mothballs jackknifed as I cross the River Bridge. I don't even know where to buy mothballs. The traffic is light on a Friday. I am in a good mood after withstanding Pasta Indigestion the night before. It seems I have become allergic to my boiled vermicelli after an excessive incident last November. Fortunately, nothing came up or out of me.

Who invented the moth ball?

I listen to a few Sonic Youth tunes as I take the off-ramp. Their new album is supposedly different. I sort of like it. A few songs near the end are worth saving. Kim Gordon's songs aren't worthy. The last track, "Or", is really haunting. Weird forced-sex lyrics.

What warranted this age-old war on the moths and their brethren?

Another day of work. Will I have the guts to leave such an easy job? The people here are nice, and I can do anything I want. Probably the best job I've ever had. I think the "no business training whatsoever" thing is going well for me. Bring some science to these talking heads. Ooh, another meeting where I can interrupt! These people are weary of meetings.

Mothballs used to be highly inflammable. Did you know inflammable means the same thing as flammable? I did. But, now they aren't. I mean mothballs. Now, they aren't so highly flammable.

I'm thinking about where I am going to be next year. Should I take the whole summer off? My dad and the business world would say "what about the gap in employment?". Sometimes I hate the world of Capitalism. It breeds greed and mistrust. I drive home and see capitalism in action: big cars and big egos. The greedy drivers try to sneak in lanes. They don't want to wait like the good people. They want to get home and heat up pizza rolls and watch "Friends" as soon as humanly possible. They don't realize that the person in front of them is late to pick up their stepdaughter or late to a job they can't afford to lose.

I was at a friend-of-an-acquaintance's home last November. It involved lots of whiskey—the most I've ever ingested. After I woke up, I drove home and suffered a hangover for two days. The pain continued when I tried to eat any kind of grains. Beer, vodka, bread, pasta--it all made me want to throw up. Even at a wedding in December, I could not drink the spiked punch without feeling the dagger in my abdomen.

What god-fearing couple in all of Christendom wants to get married around Christmas? Did some magazine with ulterior motives brainwash these poor people into thinking that winter wedding last longer? I pray I will never know the truth.

Monday, May 1, 2006

Random Lists

Best Pies
1. Cherry
2. Apple
3. Cherry Cheesecake

Greatest Groups of Animals
1. Sharks
2. Fireflies
3. Dinosaurs

Worst Songs by Pearl Jam
1. Evacuation
2. Man of the Hour
3. Off He Goes

Most Tearjerking Movies
1. Forrest Gump
2. Dances with Wolves
3. The Land Before Time

Most Overrated Bands
1. Kiss
2. U2
3. Black Sabbath

Best Breakfast Restaraunts with Apostrophies
1. Denny's
2. Hardee's
3. Shoney's

Sexiest Judges
1. Judy Sheindlin
2. John Roberts
3. Marilyn Milian

Worst Letters
1. X
2. C or K (tie)
3. W

Take a short break to let that all sink in...




Best Pretzel Companies
1. Snyder's of Hanover
2. Hammond's
3. Rold Gold

Worst Movie Sequels
1. Rocky V
2. The Land Before Time VII: The Stone of Cold Fire
3. Batman & Robin

Most Bastardized Video Game Franchises
1. Mario Brothers
2. Megaman
3. Legend of Zelda

Greatest Discontinued Soft Drinks
1. Josta
2. OK Soda
3. Crystal Pepsi

Most Underrated Recurring SNL Sketches
1. Food, Sex or Cars?
2. The Denise Show
3. Bill Brasky

Greatest Synchronized Guitar Solos
1. Hitch a Ride (Boston)
2. I Believe in a Thing Called Love (The Darkness)
3. Seventeen (Winger)

Greatest Knights
1. Suge Knight
2. Bobby Knight
3. Sir Anthony Hopkins

Worst Knights
1. Sir Tom Jones
2. Sir Paul McCartney
3. Sir Mick Jagger

Most Important Things*
1. Jesus
2. Gary Coleman
3. The Frogs (thefrogsarchive.com)

MST3k Return thoughts

There used to be two camps when it comes to MSTies: Team Joel or Team Mike. I'm in the Michael J. Nelson camp (the 1997 Sci-Fi Channel ...